When I Stopped Abandoning Myself

B4 – 7.24.26

A reflection from the journey. A lesson from lived experience. I do not write from a place of perfection, only perspective. These are honest reflections, life lessons, and moments of clarity gathered along the way. Take what resonates. Leave what does not. Maybe something here meets you exactly where you are.

Life is beautiful.

I often think back to my twenties and remember spending countless hours on the phone with friends, talking through the same situations over and over again. I felt unfulfilled, empty, confused, and convinced there was no way out of the life I had created. I carried the weight of unhealthy relationships, limiting beliefs, and environments that constantly pulled me further away from myself.

Today, I thank God. I thank my ancestors. And I thank myself for finding the courage to permanently walk away from what no longer served me.

That decision changed everything.

I’m stronger because of it. More confident. More courageous. More hopeful. Happier. I don’t recognize the version of myself who cried over every stressful situation because she believed she had to carry everything alone. Looking back, I knew I deserved better. I just didn’t know how to choose better because so much of what I accepted felt familiar.

I became a people pleaser. I found myself in codependent relationships, constantly trying to earn love, approval, or belonging by giving more of myself away. I poured into everyone around me, hoping someone would eventually pour back into me.

Many people from my past would probably say they gave to me too. Maybe they lent me money when I was struggling. Maybe they gave me a place to stay. And I will always be grateful for those acts of kindness.

But what I gave was different.

I gave loyalty.

I became the therapist before I ever had the title. The coach. The motivator. The person people called when life fell apart. The one who believed in them when they couldn’t believe in themselves. The one who helped them create plans, encouraged them to grow, and reminded them of their potential.

When I owned my eyelash extension business, I gave away knowledge that people charged thousands of dollars for because I genuinely wanted others to succeed. Helping people came naturally to me.

Yet today, very few of those people are still in my life.

That used to hurt.

Now I understand why.

When you’re constantly giving emotionally without receiving the same level of care in return, something inside you begins to fade. It feels like your life force is slowly being drained because everyone has somewhere to unload their pain, while you quietly carry your own.

Eventually, your soul starts asking a simple question:

“Who’s pouring into you?”

Learning why I made so many of the decisions I made changed everything. I realized so much of my life had been shaped by my childhood, my environment, and the beliefs I carried about my own worth. Once I understood that, I stopped judging myself and started taking responsibility for creating something different.

That’s when I got serious.

I stopped playing small.

I stopped waiting for other people to choose me.

I started choosing myself.

The truth is, some people around me were uncomfortable with my light long before I ever recognized it myself. They benefited from the version of me that doubted herself, questioned herself, and settled for less than she deserved.

Back then, I couldn’t even see my own value.

I tolerated situations that, looking back now, could have cost me my peace, my health, or even my safety.

Today, I see clearly.

I’m no longer surviving.

I’m thriving.

Not because one extraordinary moment changed my life, but because thousands of ordinary decisions did.

Every boundary.

Every difficult goodbye.

Every morning I chose discipline over excuses.

Every time I honored my intuition instead of ignoring it.

Every day I decided to become someone I could be proud of.

Those small decisions created a completely different life.

That’s why I share my story.

Not because I think my journey is unique, but because I know someone reading this may be living the life I once lived. You may be exhausted from carrying everyone else’s burdens while neglecting your own. You may know deep down that something has to change but feel afraid of what life will look like if you let go.

I promise you this:

The life waiting on the other side of choosing yourself is worth every uncomfortable decision it takes to get there.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from the people, places, habits, and environments that slowly steal your peace. You were never created to spend your life convincing people to value you.

Your worth isn’t determined by how much you sacrifice for others.

It’s revealed the moment you finally believe you’re worthy of the life you’ve been praying for.

Choose yourself.

Keep choosing yourself.

One day you’ll look back, just like I do now, and realize the greatest gift you ever gave the world was becoming the person you were always meant to be. 🧿🙏