Are you Self Sabotaging Your Goals?

Self-sabotage can be seen as a pattern of thoughts and behaviors you engage in, often without even knowing it, that creates obstacles to achieving your goals.

A few signs you’re self-sabotaging:

• Procrastination
• Avoiding responsibilities, even if it’s because you “forget”
• Breaking promises or not following through on commitments
• Lack of preparation
• Misalignment between your desires and actions
• Showing up late to important appointments or meetings
• Substance use
• Giving up when things get more difficult

There are many simple ways to break out of the pattern of self-sabotage, although it often requires consistent practice and effort.

1. Identify and understand the pattern.

The first step of combating self-sabotage is to understand where this pattern appears and what lies behind it. It is unlikely that you are sabotaging all the areas of your life all of the time. For instance, you might find that you struggle to eat healthy but you are good at going to the gym regularly. 

Which areas do you most often notice this pattern in your life?
What lies behind your self-sabotage?

2. Consider the cost.

What will you lose, or fail to gain, if you continue acting in the current manner? Choices have far-reaching consequences and the choice to not attend the gym today might mean that you make the same choice over and over out of habit and ease, eventually developing bad health behaviors or physical illnesses. We often focus on short-term gains and pleasures and forget about long-term impacts.

3. Clarify your values and goals.

If you routinely struggle with committing to actions or fulfilling goals, it might be helpful to clarify your values and ensure that your goals are aligned with your values. We are more likely to be able to commit to value-driven action (e.g., attending choir because we value community) than goals based on avoidance or comparison. It is helpful to stop and consider all the benefits that a goal or behavioral pattern will bring to your life, and how it fits in with the bigger picture you hold for your life.

4. Do the opposite.

If you notice that you often sabotage yourself, list how. For example, do you forget to answer texts from friends and alienate them? Ignore assignments and then fail a subject for a degree you want? Break the difficulty down in as much detail as possible (e.g., "I do not schedule ample time for assignments and try and do them the night before, then panic and give up") and formulate a plan to act the opposite. If leaving things until the last moment is a problem, then it is helpful to get a diary or planner and start planning four weeks ahead, or at the start of the semester. 

Tip Source: Psychology Today