How I Used To Let My Insecurities Take Over
It's funny how many of us look at people and judge the type of person we think they are without taking the time to get to know them. I have done this for most of my life, and people have done it to me. I had the same routine: wake up, shower, get ready for work, eat, work, come home, hang out with friends or my man, shower, sleep, and do it all over again. People would look at me and think I had it together, but the reality was I was falling apart inside. Most days, I felt like I went through life feeling numb. I was lost, repeating the same cycle. I felt like I was set to auto pilot.
Growing up, I never questioned many things I had to endure. I didn't have a how-to guide on dating, living, or making money. I was on my own at a very young age trying to figure it out. I thought the relationships I grew up around were healthy, but now I see they were toxic. For most of my childhood, I was bullied and judged because of how I dressed. I wasn't the coolest kid in school, but I stood out because I had a visible gap in my mouth that everyone freely made fun of at my expense. It's weird because as I got older people would tell me how beautiful and exotic I looked, but I didn't believe them. Years passed, and I grew into my gap, but I still felt ugly. Eventually, I had enough of hiding my smile whenever someone wanted to capture of photo of me, so I went to the orthodontist and had my teeth fixed. It's crazy what a lack of self-love can drive you to do.
After removing my braces, I felt like a new person. Ironically enough, I still felt insecure. I might have come off confident and secure, but I still felt like I wasn't good enough. For most of my life, I was judged and picked on, and eventually, I began to feel worthless. I became a people pleaser because of my insecurities. I started attracting the wrong friends and relationships. I engaged in behavior that went against my values. I lost myself and didn't even see it.
After dealing with many toxic people, I became toxic myself. I became needy, jealous, judgemental, manipulative, and snotty. I loved pointing the finger and blaming everyone around me for hurting me and mistreating me. I mean, who the hell did I think I was? LOL. The reality was I ALLOWED these individuals into my life and kept some of them around for a few years. Seeing my toxic behaviors was challenging because everyone around me had the same energy. I attracted men who were just as unhealthy, if not the same. I allowed people to play on my insecurities until, one day, it got the best of me, and I got fed up with living my life in misery.
When I awakened and the light switch came on to the type of life I was living, it was the best day of my life. I realized that I needed to do some healing from my past so that I could nurture the little girl crying inside. I was walking through life unhealed and broken. I didn't understand that my actions of self-sabotage and unhealthy patterns were a cry for help. I allowed myself to be blind for too long, but I am grateful to know my truth.
My journey has allowed me to forgive myself for the things I allowed. My journey has allowed me to heal and work on being better every day. My journey has taught me that I DESERVE healthy relationships and should NEVER settle for less. I understand that the people in my life were there for a reason. You attract what you are, and when you don't know better, you won't do better. I finally understand that I don't need to seek validation from people because people are a product of their environment. The only person I need to worry about is myself. I focus on being the best version of myself every day, and that's the most important thing for me.
We focus on what other people think, and the reality is most people are living in an illusion. They are afraid to be authentic, so they wear a mask. They are scared to be open and vulnerable because they have been hurt, so they walk around with a hard shell, thinking everyone is out to get them. They judge people secretly because they are judging the parts they hate about themselves. They are lost and confused about their life, but they smile and pretend to have inner peace. I don't need to seek validation from these types of individuals. I did that for most of my life, and look where it got me, nowhere!
We live in a world where people would rather hate one another than show love and support. We live in a world where people chase material possessions rather than focus on their inner happiness and peace. We live in a world where people love drama, toxicity, and risky behavior. I have opted out of that type of lifestyle. My happiness comes from within, and I am deciding to work on myself daily to build my mental and spiritual strength because I know in the end, that's what is essential. I will love and be compassionate to those around me because that's what the world needs. I will protect myself and be vigilant of the people who come into my life because I understand you are the SUM of the five people you hang out with the most. Energy is contagious!
Take the time to meditate on this message and ask yourself if your insecurities get the best of you. If they do, it's time to turn inward and begin loving on SELF.
If you need help on your journey, CLICK the link to book a session , or feel free to send me a message to find out how to get started.
I am sending you Love and Light!
Carolyn xoxo
Growing up, I never questioned many things I had to endure. I didn't have a how-to guide on dating, living, or making money. I was on my own at a very young age trying to figure it out. I thought the relationships I grew up around were healthy, but now I see they were toxic. For most of my childhood, I was bullied and judged because of how I dressed. I wasn't the coolest kid in school, but I stood out because I had a visible gap in my mouth that everyone freely made fun of at my expense. It's weird because as I got older people would tell me how beautiful and exotic I looked, but I didn't believe them. Years passed, and I grew into my gap, but I still felt ugly. Eventually, I had enough of hiding my smile whenever someone wanted to capture of photo of me, so I went to the orthodontist and had my teeth fixed. It's crazy what a lack of self-love can drive you to do.
After removing my braces, I felt like a new person. Ironically enough, I still felt insecure. I might have come off confident and secure, but I still felt like I wasn't good enough. For most of my life, I was judged and picked on, and eventually, I began to feel worthless. I became a people pleaser because of my insecurities. I started attracting the wrong friends and relationships. I engaged in behavior that went against my values. I lost myself and didn't even see it.
After dealing with many toxic people, I became toxic myself. I became needy, jealous, judgemental, manipulative, and snotty. I loved pointing the finger and blaming everyone around me for hurting me and mistreating me. I mean, who the hell did I think I was? LOL. The reality was I ALLOWED these individuals into my life and kept some of them around for a few years. Seeing my toxic behaviors was challenging because everyone around me had the same energy. I attracted men who were just as unhealthy, if not the same. I allowed people to play on my insecurities until, one day, it got the best of me, and I got fed up with living my life in misery.
When I awakened and the light switch came on to the type of life I was living, it was the best day of my life. I realized that I needed to do some healing from my past so that I could nurture the little girl crying inside. I was walking through life unhealed and broken. I didn't understand that my actions of self-sabotage and unhealthy patterns were a cry for help. I allowed myself to be blind for too long, but I am grateful to know my truth.
My journey has allowed me to forgive myself for the things I allowed. My journey has allowed me to heal and work on being better every day. My journey has taught me that I DESERVE healthy relationships and should NEVER settle for less. I understand that the people in my life were there for a reason. You attract what you are, and when you don't know better, you won't do better. I finally understand that I don't need to seek validation from people because people are a product of their environment. The only person I need to worry about is myself. I focus on being the best version of myself every day, and that's the most important thing for me.
We focus on what other people think, and the reality is most people are living in an illusion. They are afraid to be authentic, so they wear a mask. They are scared to be open and vulnerable because they have been hurt, so they walk around with a hard shell, thinking everyone is out to get them. They judge people secretly because they are judging the parts they hate about themselves. They are lost and confused about their life, but they smile and pretend to have inner peace. I don't need to seek validation from these types of individuals. I did that for most of my life, and look where it got me, nowhere!
We live in a world where people would rather hate one another than show love and support. We live in a world where people chase material possessions rather than focus on their inner happiness and peace. We live in a world where people love drama, toxicity, and risky behavior. I have opted out of that type of lifestyle. My happiness comes from within, and I am deciding to work on myself daily to build my mental and spiritual strength because I know in the end, that's what is essential. I will love and be compassionate to those around me because that's what the world needs. I will protect myself and be vigilant of the people who come into my life because I understand you are the SUM of the five people you hang out with the most. Energy is contagious!
Take the time to meditate on this message and ask yourself if your insecurities get the best of you. If they do, it's time to turn inward and begin loving on SELF.
If you need help on your journey, CLICK the link to book a session , or feel free to send me a message to find out how to get started.
I am sending you Love and Light!
Carolyn xoxo